I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
