I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
