i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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