All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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