y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
