i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
