i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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