I feel like abortions should bother me more
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
