And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
