so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
