why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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