you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
