I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
