WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
