we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
