just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
