No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
