Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
