I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
