I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
