isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
