So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
