I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
