she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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