I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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