JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
