Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
