my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
