Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
