You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
