Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
