remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
