No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
