OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
