Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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