easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
