even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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