u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
