this beer tastes like vomit already
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
In America we eat man semen.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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