Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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