I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
