Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
