You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
