I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
