I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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