I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
