Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
