he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize