Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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