What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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