And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
