Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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