come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
